Thursday, April 20, 2006
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
m i born useless?.. or m i jus recently became useless?.. or did i do something to become sooo useless.!!!!!?????
i can't understand myself 2day.. i jus became sooo damn rebellious 2day... y...WHY... for wat cost.. have i ever done.. m i oways this way... can some 1 jus give me the answer.. cos all the question i ask i can't even figure it out myself... m i jus plain useless..??
excuse from class 11.30 did some sports leader thing..gotten ready for tmr sports day.. then waited for the lorry.. then lorry came at around 1 then load up all the things.. then went to jurong stadium.. then reached jurong stadium.. got anotehr school using the stadium so we can't set up so we put all the equipmet into a room. .then went back to sch.. then reached school 2+ then tot of waiting for dear.. but instead went home.. cos i had nothin to do in school.. then went home.. bathe then went on.. played dota on bnet... already felt fedup cos of all losing but i still somemore played with john thinking that i mite win john... but who knoe. .after playing john i felt even more du lan.. lost to him sooo worst... 20/03.. it was damn embarassing... lost to a guy who only played dota barely for 24 hours... and it was a damn tragic lost... !!!! i was like banging the mouse ... cursing and swearing... was sooooo angry.. i felt hatred within myself... then after the game.. john ask me whether team up with him vs com... but then i told him i wanted to cool down.. soo i went out for a walk.. then breath in and breah out deeply.. then called shu ying ask where is dear.. then she sayed they all in mac.. so i went to mac fidn dear.. then saw they were about to go off.. then walked her to bus stop.. then i was rather angry then but i control.. tell myself not to venge my anger at her... so.. i slowly cool down ... but then she ask me a question which made me even worst... but i nvr did express out.. i jus sign kept quiet... then jus say u wanna go ok lor.. but make sure u study there... i felt useless then... then went to video eazy... thinking that mayb i borrowed a comedy dvd then can make me feel happy again.. so i borrowed the wedding crasher.. then on my way back.. i jus felt super stupid... i regretted not studying well for my psle.. then i now end up in technical stream.. but dear is in the express stream.. whenever she say she fail some thing i jus feel hopeless and useless .. cos whatever homework she dunno how to do.. she can't ask me.. cos i dunno how to do them... so that was wat makes me soo useless.. further more she has to study with some 1 esle.. which makes me feel uncomfortable and jealouse.. but then if i go i will be an absolute extra over there.. cos i dun study watever she is studying..
but wat the hell of regretting now... every thing is done and being done for... now all i have to do is to look ahead...
some times i jus hate myself... i jus dun understand why...
m i that useless to every 1?
//[**to see you when i wake up is a gift i didn't it can be real**]\\
Posted by ShenG at Thursday, April 20, 2006